Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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