We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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