The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
