I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
