There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
