u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
