I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
