You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
