well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
