well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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