I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
