I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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