I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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