could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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