Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
