I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone came in the potted fern
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
