my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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