textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
