Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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