I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
