and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
