so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
