At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it because I queefed?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
