C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
