they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
