Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
