This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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