My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
