Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
