Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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