She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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