i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
