he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
