I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
