So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
