Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
