Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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