Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
