i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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