the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
