If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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