I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
