remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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