yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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