Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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