I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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