sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
