she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
