Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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