did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
