***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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