oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
